Next month we will celebrate our 3 year Diaversary. Next month. 3 years. 3 years living with Type 1 Diabetes in our lives.
Where has the time gone?? It feels like that diagnosis was yesterday. But yet, I look back at pictures from that time and all I can think is that he looks so small in them. He has grown so much. His body has changed so much. WE have changed so much. We have learned so much. We still - at times - hurt so much.
What I am struggling with more than anything right now is that we are STILL in the honeymoon phase. Almost 3 years later his pancreas still attempts to work from time to time. Out of the blue, always when we least expect it it will kick out enough insulin to cover the meal he just ate. Of course, we also bolus for the meal and so he is essentially getting a double dose of insulin.
A couple of weeks ago we had several of these instances in a row. He would eat, I would dose, and a half an hour to an hour later he was below 50... and it would take the same number of carbs he had just eaten for his meal to bring him up to safety again. One night this happened shortly after he went to sleep. I couldn't rouse him to drink the juice I knew he needed. He was REALLY out of it. He was 35 and dropping fast. It was the first time we have ever mixed a vial of glucagon... although, thank God we didn't have to use it that night. I finally got him to drink... he finally came around. But it wasn't pretty. And it was scary as hell. For us... and for him!
It was getting to the point where I was afraid to dose him after meals. I would check the CGM to make sure that he was starting a spike and then deliver the insulin. What I am wondering is WHEN will this stop? When we were diagnosed, they told us that the honeymoon period will most likely last 1-2 years. We are coming up on 3!! I am ready to be done. I am ready for his pancreas to throw in the towel and give up the fight. It feels weird for me to type that. It seems like I should be hopeful that it will not only work but continue to work and return to the full functioning life saving organ it once was. But, I know that will not happen. I know that instead, by its sporadic and untimely attempts at working it has become a potentially life ending organ.
That scares me.